My ex-boyfriend, Christopher, has been really down these past few months. He eventually stopped going outside over the summer, simply staying in his room and making 3D models. I thought all he needed was friends. Some socialization would surely cure him. For a few days, going back to school remedied him. I though he’d be okay.
But then he reverted back to his summer self, where he loathes his existance and everyone else’s as well. Whether I’m included in his list of abhorrence, I don’t know.
I hate this.
I hate living.
I hate having a mind, soul, and body.
He’s talked about offing himself much more than once. It’s scary, but if I had to speak honestly, I know he would never do such a thing. I know him well. He has a good heart, he realizes what is right and what is wrong. Yet, the fact he merely says he wants to leave is frightful. When he’s with his friends, I don’t worry. But at home, I can’t say the same.
A few days ago I opened up and told Kdawg, Amy, and Emma. If I had planned it out, I would have only told the first person, but it felt like the right time and place with all three of them there.
Last night Emma consoled Christopher and brought him out of the dark blue. He told me she’s now the only one he’s discussed our relationship with. I’m glad he can manage that. This morning, he appears to be much more rational.
Now I don’t have to be alone, and neither does he.